1
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,280
You should go
and talk to someone.

2
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,360
Are you sleeping?

3
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,880
There's like,
uh, like a service.

4
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,240
It's free.
You might as well.

5
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,000
Connell?

6
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,240
Would you like to come with me?

7
00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,360
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

8
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:05,160
five, four, three, two, one.

9
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,920
Happy New Year!

10
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,920
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year.

11
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,280
Happy New Year, you.

12
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,440
Who is it?

13
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,920
Uh, it's just
an old school friend.

14
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:50,400
You okay?

15
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,920
Uh, yeah. It's just
a Happy New Year thing.

16
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,000
Happy New Year!

17
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,760
What do you mean?

18
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,600
Are you on your own?

19
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,440
No, I'm with Helen.
What do you mean, a body?

20
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,400
Whose body, what?

21
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,560
Rob Hegarty, sweetheart.

22
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:17,360
They pulled a body out of
the river this morning.

23
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,880
Okay, why don't we talk about
how you're feeling.

24
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,280
Uh, yeah, not great.

25
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,160
I'm sorry to hear that.

26
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,960
When did you
start feeling this way?

27
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,040
Uh...

28
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,840
a couple of months ago.

29
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,160
January, I suppose.

30
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,080
Okay.

31
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,400
Did something happen then,
or did it just

32
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,240
come out of nowhere,
do you feel?

33
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,240
A friend of mine killed himself
in January.

34
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,320
A friend from school.

35
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,200
I'm very sorry
to hear that, Connell.

36
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,000
We, we hadn't really kept up
with each other after college.

37
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,200
'Cause he was, uh...

38
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560
He was just back in Sligo

39
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,360
and I was up here
and everything, and, um...

40
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,920
I guess I just feel guilty that
I wasn't in touch with him more.

41
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,280
I can understand that.

42
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,280
But however you might be
feeling about your friend,

43
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,360
what happened to him
is not your fault.

44
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,600
You are not responsible
for the decisions he made.

45
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,520
I never even replied to
the last message he sent me.

46
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,080
When you lose
someone to suicide,

47
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,960
it can be natural to wonder if
there's any more you could have done

48
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,560
in order to help this person.

49
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,600
I'm sure everyone
in your friend's life

50
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,720
is asking themselves
the same questions now.

51
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,640
Yeah, but at least other people
tried to help him.

52
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,480
He'd, uh,
been drinking a fair bit.

53
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,680
He seemed a bit, um...
you know, out of sorts, I guess.

54
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,560
Right.

55
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,320
Never wanted
to go home, you know?

56
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,160
He always wanted one more.

57
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,560
Got into a few scraps.

58
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,440
Nothing serious, just...
thought it was a laugh.

59
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,080
I tried talking to him, but...

60
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,120
You look handsome.

61
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,320
Ready, sweetheart?

62
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,720
Marianne.

63
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,080
Thank you.

64
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,960
- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks for the colors.

65
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,360
You look great.

66
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,960
Thank you.

67
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,040
I'm so sorry.

68
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,240
Thanks, love.
Thanks for coming.

69
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,760
Connell.
Good man, good man.

70
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,840
I hear you're doing great
things above in Trinity.

71
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,840
-So sorry.
-Good man.

72
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,200
Thanks for coming.

73
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,160
Thank you.

74
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,080
How are things?

75
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,120
-Who's this?
-Uh...

76
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,280
Helen.
Uh, this is Eric.

77
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,360
-Girlfriend, is it?
-Yeah.

78
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,160
Must be your fault this fella
never comes home anymore.

79
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,600
No, it's not her fault.
It's my fault.

80
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,560
I'm just messing.

81
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,840
Good of Marianne to come.

82
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,520
I thought she was off
in Sweden or someplace.

83
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,840
Yeah, she was.
She's back for the funeral.

84
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,320
She's gone very thin,
hasn't she?

85
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,160
Here's herself.

86
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,240
Very good to have come all
the way from Sweden, Marianne.

87
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,040
It's nice to see you.

88
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,400
Do you know Helen here?

89
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,680
Course I do.
We were in college together.

90
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,920
Hello, Helen.

91
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,360
It's all friendly, I hope.

92
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,000
No rivalry, I mean.

93
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,600
Behave yourself now.

94
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,080
Why didn't you introduce me
to any of your friends?

95
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,960
I introduced you
to Eric, didn't I?

96
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,080
Only after he asked.

97
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,720
To be honest, you didn't seem
like you really wanted him to meet me.

98
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,320
If you didn't want me to come,
you shouldn't have asked me.

99
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,560
Okay, I'm sorry
I asked you, then.

100
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,160
What does that mean?

101
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,080
-You're sorry I was there?
-No.

102
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,640
I'm saying if you got
the wrong impression

103
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,040
of what it was gonna be like,
then I'm sorry.

104
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,360
You didn't
want me there at all, did you?

105
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,680
I didn't want to be there
myself, to be honest.

106
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,800
Look, I'm sorry
you didn't have a good time.

107
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,040
But like, it was a funeral.

108
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,760
Don't really know
what you expected.

109
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,880
Well, you weren't
ignoring Marianne.

110
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,680
I wasn't ignoring anyone.

111
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,880
But you just seemed
particularly happy to see her.

112
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,720
-For fuck's sake, Helen.
-What?

113
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,120
Why does every argument
have to come back to this?

114
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,640
Our friend just killed himself,
and now, you want to start

115
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,760
going at me about
Marianne. Like, seriously?

116
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,440
And yeah.

117
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,760
I was happy to see her.
Does that make me a monster?

118
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,960
I've been very sympathetic
about Rob and you know that.

119
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,600
But what do you expect me to do?
Just pretend I don't notice

120
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,440
you're staring at another
woman in front of me.

121
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,440
No, I was not staring at her.
You were, in the church.

122
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,080
It wasn't intentional.

123
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,520
Why do you have to act
so weird around her?

124
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,280
How I act with her is
my normal personality.

125
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,440
I'm... maybe I'm
just a weird person.

126
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,400
Most of you will, I hope,

127
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,240
have picked up
on the fact that...

128
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,800
This dismantling of the family
trope is fairly radical.

129
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,280
The constitution itself quite
literally defined the Irish...

130
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,680
Like I want
to be there for you

131
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,320
but you just
won't let me.

132
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,640
I have tried.

133
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,480
And I feel like I'm holding on
to other, like,

134
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:37,960
frankly legitimate worries
or whatever

135
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,800
that existed before all this.

136
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,400
Before you felt like this.

137
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,760
And I can't sit on them
'cause you're feeling so low.

138
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,240
That's just not fair.

139
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,240
I really care about you.

140
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,120
I hate seeing you like this.

141
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,080
But I don't think
this is working anymore.

142
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,080
I don't know if this was all the
way working before, and now...

143
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,320
all this is just like...

144
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,120
...exacerbated it, and...

145
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,240
Okay.

146
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:22,720
I'm sorry.

147
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,640
I'm sorry too.

148
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,120
Do you have
friends here in Dublin?

149
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,120
Anyone you're close with

150
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,320
that you might talk to
about how you're feeling.

151
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,200
Um...

152
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,320
Niall, maybe.

153
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,520
He's the one
who told me about this.

154
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,280
Well, that's good.

155
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,280
He's looking out for you.

156
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,400
Niall.

157
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,360
Okay.

158
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,200
I have another friend that
I'm pretty close with but, um...

159
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,680
she's on Erasmus this year.

160
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,280
I'm sorry.
That sounds awful.

161
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,120
-I liked Helen.
-Hmm.

162
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,720
I did.
I genuinely did.

163
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,640
I know she wasn't entirely
fond of me, but...

164
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,000
it's hard to ignore
that she made you happy.

165
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,480
I, I don't know.

166
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:39,960
I don't feel anything.

167
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,240
Then I...

168
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,600
I find myself crying
or having a panic attack

169
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,240
so presumably, I do feel it.
Just, uh...

170
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,440
It just doesn't connect.

171
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,640
I understand.

172
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,520
I know you do.

173
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,200
I'm really tired.

174
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,600
You want to sleep?

175
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,080
We can keep Skype on.

176
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,560
Carry me over
to your bed.

177
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,320
Is she a friend from college?

178
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,840
We were in school together.

179
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,520
But, uh, she's in Trinity
as well. It's Marianne.

180
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,160
She knew Rob,
our friend who died.

181
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,040
But, um...

182
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,240
she's away this year,
like I said.

183
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,080
You're awake.

184
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,080
Morning.

185
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,880
Is she someone you might talk
with about how you're feeling?

186
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,600
She's been supportive about it.

187
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,560
And she's, um...

188
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,560
She's hard to describe,
if you don't know her.

189
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:30,880
She's, um...

190
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,880
she's really smart.

191
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,920
She's a lot smarter than me.

192
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,240
We, we see the world
in a similar way. And, uh...

193
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,720
we've lived our life
in the same place.

194
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,120
So obviously, it's, um...

195
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,920
It's a bit different
being away from her.

196
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,040
-It sounds difficult.
-Mm-hmm.

197
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,800
I don't really click
with a lot of people.

198
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,000
I, I struggle with that,
actually.

199
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,920
Do you think that's
a new problem?

200
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,520
Or is it familiar to you?

201
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,600
Mm.

202
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,360
It's, uh, familiar.

203
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,560
I would say, um...

204
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,440
in school,
I definitely felt that

205
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,960
feeling of isolation
or whatever. But, um...

206
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,400
People seem to like me.
Everything, and...

207
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,600
here, I don't think that, uh...

208
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,560
people like me that much.

209
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,600
Uh, like Rob,
my friend who, uh...

210
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,160
um, I wouldn't say
that we clicked

211
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,360
on a very deep level
or anything.

212
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,040
But, um, we were friends.

213
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,680
And, uh...

214
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,320
I wouldn't say that
we had a lot in common

215
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,560
in terms of interests
or anything like that.

216
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,800
Definitely not politically,

217
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,560
if we ever really
examined that. But, um...

218
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,440
That stuff didn't
really matter in school.

219
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,160
'Cause we were,
we were in the same

220
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,640
group of friends,
so, you know?

221
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,680
I understand that.

222
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:46,040
And, uh, he... he did
some stuff that I, uh...

223
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,120
I wouldn't have been a fan of,
in terms of, like with girls.

224
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,360
But, uh...

225
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,440
We were 18, you know.
We just, uh...

226
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,720
we acted like idiots, and, uh...

227
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,320
I think...

228
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,520
I felt a bit alienated
with that stuff.

229
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,040
And, uh...

230
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,840
I think
I think I thought if I...

231
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,320
moved here...

232
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,200
I'd fit in better.

233
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,120
I thought, um...

234
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,360
I'd meet more likeminded people
but that just hasn't...

235
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,520
um...

236
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:53,200
I left Carricklea thinking
I could have a different life.

237
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:02,160
But I...
I hate it here and...

238
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,560
I can never go back.

239
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,000
Because those friendships
are gone, and...

240
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,240
and Rob is gone and I,
I can't see him again.

241
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,920
I can't get that life back.

242
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,680
I'm sorry.

243
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,640
You don't need to apologize.

244
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,640
She sounds nice.

245
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,280
-Yeah.
-Sounds good.

246
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,160
Yeah.

247
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,640
Well done, Niall.

248
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,720
How do you feel now?

249
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,840
Uh, okay.

250
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,200
Just, um...

251
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,120
Flat, I guess.

252
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,200
Mm.

253
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,520
What?

254
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:05,840
Do you ever feel...

255
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,160
I don't know.

256
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,360
Angry?

257
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,480
Uh, about?

258
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,280
About Rob.

259
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,280
After the funeral,
did you feel angry?

260
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,800
-With him?
-No.

261
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,360
No, geez, no.

262
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:29,040
I know that's... that
people feel that when someone...

263
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,160
I couldn't get off Facebook.

264
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,360
Everyone kept
commenting on his wall.

265
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,440
-Yeah.
-Like, it made me furious.

266
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,480
Like, what do they mean?

267
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,120
All these people, like
advertising their loss like that.

268
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,560
And who's it for?
Not Rob, obviously.

269
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,000
And, like, what's
the etiquette there?

270
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,480
Should I be liking every
comment on his wall?

271
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,000
Well, it sounds like you've
worked through that anger.

272
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,360
No.

273
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,240
Of course, people can
grieve how they want.

274
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,520
-Sorry.
-I get it.

275
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,800
It feels a bit pointless.

276
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,000
Yeah, I think that's it.

277
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,040
And everyone
kept talking about...

278
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,440
what a great person he was.

279
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,200
How full of life, what a
devoted son, and I get it.

280
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,360
But what, was that him?

281
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:36,880
No.

282
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,080
He was insecure.

283
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,920
Obsessed with being liked.

284
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,480
I mean, I know I can talk.
But...

285
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,320
I miss you.

286
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,560
I miss you, too, Connell.

287
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,000
♪ I am just a man ♪

288
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,160
♪ Tipping on the wire ♪

289
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,800
♪ Tight rope
walking fool ♪

290
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,040
♪ Balanced on desire ♪

291
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,240
♪ I cannot control ♪

292
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,640
♪ These ever
changing ways ♪

293
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:56,000
♪ So how can I be sure ♪

294
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,160
♪ The feeling
will remain ♪

295
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,440
♪ It'll always change ♪

296
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,240
♪ But everything I am ♪